So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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