32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
