i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
