I got chris browned last night
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just invented taco cereal.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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