Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
