I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
