Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
