I showed him my bush... on skype.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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