i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And then my night got REAL pukey
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
