Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Can I color on your dick again?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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