I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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