You just made me feel so damn special
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
