Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize