So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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