there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
