theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
