I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
