Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
