I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
