I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
