he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
