I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
50% drunk capacity currently
I AM VODKA MAN
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
