Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
