the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
