6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
