Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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