he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
