Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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