new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
