This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
As shirtless as possible
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
