The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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