$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
