I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
