He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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