Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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