i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
