apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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