new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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