my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
