we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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