I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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