If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
