ya dads aren't the best wingmen
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
