So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just high enough for therapy.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
