I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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