i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
