but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
