she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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