OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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