the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You ruined the universe
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
