I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
