I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
