my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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