At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We are two peas in an std pod
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize