And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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