8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
