Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
