I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
