I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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