How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
