something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
