White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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