i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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