Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
