so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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