Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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