And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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