wake up i wanna do it froggy style
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
